Like I've mentioned before, I mostly like to blog when things are happy and sunny. I don't want anyone to worry, and prefer to just remember the good things about living abroad. However, if I'm going to be truthful, living abroad isn't always easy. Anyone that has lived abroad can attest to this. For the most part I've heard that generally the hardest point is about 2/3 of the way through your stay, whether it's 6 months, a year or longer. The last two times I've been in Spain that's been about right. This time I'm struggling a little more. I'm about 2 and a half months in and I'm lonely. I've met some people, but miss the absolute-I'm-there-for-you connections from back home. I miss having friends that are really friends, and not people that hang out with me because we need each other. I feel like initally the auxiliares or international students cling to each other. We need each other and I'm so grateful for those connections, but after awhile people get into their routines. They have "their people" and I just don't feel like I have my niche yet. The people I do tend to spend the most time with are 2nd year auxiliares. That's great, except for one main thing...they are all friends from last year...they have their friends, their stories, their connections, their inside jokes, and I feel like such an outsider, even with them. The second big problem is that the main activity is going out at night. Up until this year I've really liked going out. I loved the 5am walks back home after a night of living it up and dancing. I suppose I'm getting old. For a variety of reasons I just don't like going out as much this year, which is unfortunate, because it's one of the few things to do. There are so many people at the places we go to and I just feel claustrophobic. It is truly anxiety inducing, which is a new development for me. The lack of personal space here has always been a little bit of an issue for me, but this year it's huge. It stresses me out so much and really makes it so that I have a hard time enjoying myself. I'm more focused on the fact that person after person keeps running into me than just trying to relax and enjoy the company of those that I'm with. The other auxiliares also drink a lot and stay out super late. It's very common to stay out until 6,7 or 8am. So, if we go out to tapas around 9:30pm the night before...that means a good 8-10 hours (in addition to all the normal waking hours of the day) of being on my feet. I'm so dead by the end of it. I usually have fun until 3 or 4am. After that a switch gets flipped and I can't handle it anymore, but if I leave at 3 I'm the "aguafiestas" (party pooper). I'm lame, and all the good bonding "look at the great stories we have now" moments seem to happen after that point, leaving me left out...again. Then there's one other main issue. There are sayings about places like Kharma here..."Alguien que no liga en Kharma es porque no quiere." If someone doesn't hook up in Kharma it's because they don't want to...yes, they don't want to...that doesn't mean you won't get 15 guys, drunk off their asses, coming up to you to try and hook up and take you home with them. It's obnoxious. I'm not going home with any of them and it stresses me out that so many try. If I go to Kharma, it's because I went with my friends and want to have a good time with them.
This weekend is puente (aka a long weekend). Last night I stayed in to rest. Tonight I wanted to do something, but had no plans and a lot of the auxiliares are traveling. I decided I needed to at least get out of the house. I grabbed my camera and headed to Corte Ingles to take pictures of the christmas lights. From there I went to Mont(H)elado to have a tea and dessert. I tried to send some auxiliares texts asking if they were doing anything, but I was without saldo. After that I headed to a chino store to get more saldo, then continued on to the cathedral to take pictures of that...alone...just hoping to run into someone I knew or have some sort of opportunity arise. I eventually gave up and went home. Luckily one of the girls I messaged just responded and invited me to go out. It's 11pm and I'm just getting ready to go out. This is a crazy, crazy place, but I am unbelieveably thankful that Maude invited me to go out. Maude, you're a lifesaver.
So that's my rant/vent for the night. I hope it turns around from here because I've been in a funk the last 3 days and need it to go away. At least the lights were pretty!
A couple weeks ago my business Spanish professor said that it's Christmas when Corte Ingles says it's Christmas. Well, on Thanksgiving, Corte Ingles said "Ya es navidad" and turned on their lights. They have 2 big lighted trees on their back patio. On one wall they have a bunch of snowflakes that brighten and dim in different patterns. They also have a carousel, a roasted chesnut stand, another dessert stand and a ball pit (amongst other activities for the kids).
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